Self Confidence
- two kinds: external projection vs internal/authentic (personal feeling of confidence)
- fact: we give only 30% of pause time to ourselves talking than we give to others while listening
- Ultimate confidence: Believe that no matter what we do (even failing) we'll okay
- Look back at your own achievements when you don't feel confident
- No one will believe in you until you do
- Build up confidence in others by catching them when they are good (not criticize when they are bad)
- Commit fully to expressing; to go all the way e.g. to imitate or be goofy
- Against teasing or friendly jokes:
- Take up more space
- Laugh with the group
- Double down on the joke; put you back in control
- Tell your own embarrassing story (in awkward situation)
- You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry, (Abraham Lincoln)
- Have a ritual: Do the opposite of what your body tends to physically (fight nervousness)
- Growth comes from doing the opposite of what works before
- Predator vs Prey movement (still vs jittery)
- The handicap principle (able to admit shortcoming)
- Being consistent, non-reactive
Charisma
- Accepting praise
- spread praise when being praised on
- the simplest is to accept it genuinely or high-toned with a "Thank You" to give credit to the creditor
- the unwanted response is to quietly absorb it all to yourself
- Comeback to insults
- purposeful misinterpretation to redirect the conversation
- reframe: take back control by focusing on different part of the topic
- Take the insult to the most literally so to force the insulter to explain or acknowledge that he is being mean
- Take it at face value by giving the simplest answering; give the other party a "warning shot" or benefit of the doubt and chance to stop
- Do not take it personally by calling it out (Ask "What are you doing?") and walk out
- 85% rule
- one perform better if you tell them to perform at 85% capacity (because of relaxation); lower the expectation
- Be positive and have fun
- Give permission and able to acknowledge other emotions
- do not need to hide emotions
- do not need to pretend something you are not
- Tell "sticky" stories
- Curiosity + Stake = Great Story
- Create curiosity
- illustrate stake (Why is it important?)
- Make others feel special
- need to genuine; add context so that the target audience feel this is real
- Cannot be fake, vague otherwise feel like you are sucking up
- Listen with eye contact because having someone full attention feels amazing; the other person will reciprocate and give you back their undivided attention
- 3-second rule: looking different audience for 3 seconds while speaking
- First accept, then change (toward other's oppositional behaviors)
- Stop depending on external world; remove fear of losing, which lead to nervousness
First impression
- Don't pretend or be insincere or causal, e.g. saying "i am fine"
- Ask for name if you haven't met; repeat it by saying it back once or twice to help you remember
Small Talk's (Active listening)
- First reaction to share about your own feeling to the topic
- Create segues to lead conversation into deeper meaningful topics
- steer conversation to something that stir emotion, e.g. ask the best and worst of ....
- Create moments of fun and check if others are engaged and able to opt-in
- Respectfully disagree; be honest
- start what you agree and then proceed to the difference of opinions
- Ask "killer" question
- Seek out the person underneath the public persona
Persuasion
- Have you ever make an exception
- Use the other person's name
- If i was in your shoe, i would ...
- (in job interview) create envision of the deal, e.g. what do you see a successfully person would be one year after your hired him?
- The "YES" Ladder
- because....
